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The positives of long distance


My boyfriend (James) and I have been in a long distance relationship for the past two years. We met just before he went to university in Birmingham, which was 150 miles away from where I lived. At the time I never thought he would carry on speaking to me, being surrounded by girls, both them and him being drunk more than sober within the first few weeks. But apparently he (somehow) liked me as we carried on texting and facetiming, and after making the journey to visit him a couple of weeks later, we became official.
It has been over 2 years since then and we are still going strong. I have moved to university in London, which means we're now only 120 miles and a 1.5 hour train journey apart, which makes things a lot easier. However, the long distance has quite often had a negative affect on our relationship and has therefore been the main cause of arguments and upset. 

I decided to write this post to give an insight into long distance relationships and provide a list of positives that outweigh the negatives, hopefully helping those of you who are in or thinking about being in a long distance relationship. I realise we don't have it as hard as others and living in the same country means we still see each other regularly, but it is still extremely challenging.
For me, I often feel the negatives outweigh the positives, but that's untrue. Like many people I find it much easier to focus on the bad things and forget about the good things, but I'm trying hard to swap that around. I sometimes find it helpful to think of and mentally list all the positives of being in such an amazing relationship. This helps me to forget about the negatives and realise that it is all worth it.

So let's get the horrible negatives out the way. Here's my 3 main negatives of being in a long distance relationship:

  • When I am feeling down and everyone/thing seems to be against me, I can't turn around, walk downstairs or drive down the road to get the hug and kiss I need, instead I need to wait for 1, 2 or 3 weeks until that's possible.
  • Trust. I believe trust is the most important part of any relationship and without it things begin to fall apart. Trust me (aha get it?!) long distance relationships turn trust into a whole different ball game. James and I started our relationship as long distance, which meant we both had to have a huge amount of trust for each other instantly. This was hard enough, but within the first few weeks I was constantly seeing photos of James out partying with his new flatmates who were 90% female. We have definitely had our ups and downs with trust, but I can definitely say we're now stronger than ever.
  • Being surrounded by couples and feeling completely, utterly and unforgivably jealous. The worst thing when I am counting down the days and hours until I see James, is coming across other couples hugging, kissing or purely just holding hands. 

And now onto the positives. There are always more positives, they are all much more important and therefore outweigh the negatives. 
  • Thanks to technology we are able to constantly be in contact with each other, and when I say constant I mean constant- I dread to think how many texts we have sent to each other and how many hours (more like weeks) we have spent on FaceTime. 
  • When we are able to see each other it's extra special and it definitely makes us appreciate each other more. We always make sure we make the most of our time together, and even though laying in bed all day can be tempting, instead we get out, do things and go places. It's the worst feeling saying goodbye and knowing we haven't made the most of our time together. 
  • We can both enjoy university life separately. This is sometimes hard to see when I am missing James, but I know if we went to university in the same city we would never see our friends and would be inseparable. Instead, it is nice to have time apart to spend time with friends and enjoy being at uni and being young. We can be old and boring when we move in together and are..well.. old and boring!
  • In a couple of years, once we have got through uni and can move in together, we are going to be so so SO strong. If we can get through this, we can get through anything.

For James and I it's going to get worse before it gets better. James is going away for a year in September, meaning I will see him even less and won't be able to text/facetime him much at all. This is definitely going to be a huge challenge and I am going to struggle, but I know we will get through it. 




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